As mothers, the fullness of our lives can inspire and energize as much as it can overwhelm us. We are parents, spouses, friends, caregivers of elderly relatives, workers and volunteers in our communities. Family and personal time interrupts work, and work interrupts family and personal time. We yearn for a sense of balance in our lives, yet balance often seems elusive. Balance suggests a state of equilibrium, which in our fast-paced life seems an impossible goal.

Perhaps balance, in the narrow sense, is the wrong goal. In a recent Globe and Mail article, Craig Chappelow, of the Centre for Creative Leadership, suggests that the traditional model of work-life balance as a scale with both sides equal doesn’t work today. It’s more about integration than balance. This approach seems to better reflect the continuously changing demands we face in work and in our personal lives. The focus then is on the boundaries and transitions from one to another. Chappelow suggests it requires some self-analysis – looking at our behaviours, how we identify with our different roles, and our sense of control as we manage the boundaries between work and family — and has developed a tool, the Work Life Indicator to assist.

A recent study by Canadian Mental Health suggests that 58% of Canadians report “overload” from the many roles we play in life. But we must also make room in our lives for taking care of our own physical and mental well-being. They offer a free Work Life Balance quiz and some tips to create a greater sense of balance.

However we approach managing our time, and whatever tools and resources we incorporate to help us, it starts with each of us individually taking responsibility for our state of mind. Often, as mothers, we put ourselves at the bottom of the list when it comes to care-giving. We think it selfish to put ourselves at the top of the list. But, we need to remember that we are better able to care for others when we are happy and healthy. Just as in the pre-flight emergency reminders where we are instructed to first apply our own oxygen masks before we can help others, we need to first take care of our own wellness in order to have the resources and energy to care for others.

Grieving the death of a spouse is a painful process. Many experience grief as riding a roller-coaster. The initial impact of the loss is devastating. It kind of feels like that initial, terrifying drop in the roller-coaster. Then you have some good days when you feel like the worst is over, only to drop down again. There will be good days and bad days. During the first year after losing a spouse, the “firsts” are especially painful. Examples are birthdays, anniversaries, Christmas, vacations etc. These are times when the pain of not having your spouse can feel especially strong.

Grief is a journey towards healing and regaining a sense of stability again. Here are some approaches that a person who has lost a spouse can adopt to assist with the healing:

• Focus on taking care of yourself and any dependents that you have. If people or commitments stress and exhaust you and are not absolute necessities, take a break from them for a while.
• Seek out trusted people who support and nurture you. Allow those people to help you with some of the difficult tasks of the transition such as income tax preparation, filling out necessary paper-work, packing up and moving belongings if you need that done. Also talk to people you trust about how you are feeling.
• Be attentive to your physical needs. Grieving is exhausting work. When you suffer a loss you may feel foggy, have difficulty remembering things and feel that you can’t cope with a lot. That is due to grief’s physical impact on the brain. The impact is temporary, but may last many months. Be patient and gentle with yourself while you heal.

Signs that grief has become Complicated Mourning and that someone needs professional help are:

• hyper-sensitivity to loss experiences
• restlessness, agitation and over-sensitivity
• intrusive anxiety about death regarding yourself or others
• rigid, ritualistic and compulsive behaviour
• flattened feelings – no emotional expression
• fear of intimacy or impulsive relationships or a lack of basic self-care. Complicated Mourning

If you are experiencing any of these, counselling could help you to move through your grief in a healthier way. A good book to help you through this process is I Wasn’t Ready to Say Goodbye: Surviving, Coping, and Healing After the Sudden Death of a Loved One by Noel Brook. Recommended websites to visit include www.griefnet.org and www.compassionatefriends.org. In the Region of Waterloo, there is a bereavement support group run by Bereaved Families of Ontario. For more information, contact: Kim at(519)745-9495. If you are struggling with grief issues and would like to explore individual counselling to help you through this process, you can call us at Mosaic at (519)743-6333.

Spring is the time when flowers start blooming, grass turns greener and, for some reason, “spring cleaning” comes to mind.  When I think “spring cleaning,” I don’t normally think of cleaning my home (although I probably should), I think of organizing my paperwork.  It might be because I have finished my income taxes and I can purge all that paperwork.

So, what do I do when I spring clean my finances?

1. I start with my paper work. I usually keep at least one year of old bills and at least 7 years of taxes (okay I keep my tax information forever).  It feels great to be able to destroy those old paid bills.
2. I then look at what debts I have, and the interest rates on those debts.  If I have a balance on a high interest credit card, I am looking at getting rid of the balance of that card by either paying it off (option #1) or transferring that balance to a much lower interest loan or line of credit (option #2). Why do I have that high interest credit card anyway?  Maybe, it’s in my best interest to get rid of that card.
3. I look at what I am doing for my retirement. Should I make an appointment with my financial planner? Am I putting enough away for my retirement? Should I be contributing more on a monthly basis to my RRSPs? 
4. I also use this time to get a copy of my credit rating. If I am going to be making any major purchases in the next year, I want my credit rating to reflect properly so I can get the best interest rate available to me.
5. Next up… a review of my spending habits and future needs and wants. Am I planning a vacation? How much do I need to change my budget to account for this or any other items I want to spend my money on? 
6. And finally, if I am really enthusiastic, I start cleaning my apartment. 

Are you stuck in the habit loop? Do you want to break a bad habit? Before you can change your habits, you need to understand how they work. In his book, The Power of Habit: Why We Do What We Do in Life and Business, Charles Duhigg teaches us how habits are formed and how we can change them.

According to a paper published by Duke University, more than 40 percent of our daily actions are habits. Some habits are good, and some are bad. The key is in learning how to replace bad habits with good ones. In his book, The Power of Habit: Why We Do What We Do in Life and Business, Charles Duhigg teaches us how habits are formed and what we can do about them, and, most importantly, that habits can be changed if we understand how they work.

In its basic form, a habit is the brain’s way of saving effort.  Duhigg breaks down the creation of habits into a three step loop:

• The Cue – a trigger that tells your brain to go into automatic mode and which habit to use.
• The Routine – which can be physical, mental or emotional.
• The Reward – which helps your brain decide if this loop is worth remembering in the future.

As you go through your workday, how many times do you find yourself walking to the lunchroom to get a coffee at the same time each afternoon? Have you ever stopped and asked why you crave a coffee? Is it because your body needs a caffeine boost, or could it be because you are bored and need a break? The same questions can be asked to determine why we don’t exercise as often as we like, or why we watch too much TV. By becoming mindful of our habits, we can better understand our actions and in turn make more deliberate choice.

Duhigg says the important part to remember is that “When a habit emerges, the brain stops fully participating in the decision making. It stops working so hard, or diverts focus to other tasks. So unless you deliberately fight a habit – unless you find new routines – the pattern will unfold automatically.”

Habits are formed without our consent. We normally don’t intend to skip the gym on a regular basis. What happens is that we miss it once a month, then gradually once a week, then twice – as the cues and rewards create a habit – until we don’t take the time to go at all.

The good news is that once we understand our habits, including the cue, the routine and the reward, we can start to change them.  Duhigg provides us with a framework for understanding and redesigning our habits:

• Identify the routine
• Experiment with rewards
• Isolate the cue
• Have a plan

Changing some habits will be harder than others, and in The Power of Habit: Why We Do What We Do in Life and Business, Duhigg states that “sometimes change can take a long time. Sometimes it requires repeated experiments and failures. But once you understand how a habit operates – once you diagnose the cue, the routine and the reward – you gain power over it.”

According to the Vanier Institute of the Family, statistics in October 2011 revealed that 4 in 10 marriages end in divorce. Divorce rates are measured as a prediction of the percentage of couples that can be expected to divorce before their 30th wedding anniversary. So what can couples do today to find themselves in a happy relationship in 30 years?

1. Be pro-active instead of reactive and avoid the “I did this because you did that” way of thinking. When you are reactive, you are blaming someone or something else for your behaviour. Your actions come from within you, from your chosen standards and values, not from an external source. When you are proactive, you determine the direction of your life and don’t allow any external thing to excuse your behaviour. It means you take personal responsibility for who you are and what you do.
2. Give positive affirmations. Compliment, praise, thank and acknowledge your partner. Don’t assume that your partner knows that you love and appreciate them. Be affirming, genuinely, regularly and consistently.
3. Model how you would like to be treated. If you want to be listened to, practice the skills of being a good listener.
4. Use “I” statements, not “you” statements. “You” statements blame, accuse and criticize. “You always do this…” Alternatively, “I” statements express how you feel. “I feel hurt when…”
5. Seek first to understand – then to be understood. Often our first reaction when situations become escalated is to make ourselves understood. Try to listen to your partner and empathize with their position.
6. Develop your communication skills. 98% of good communication is effective listening. Concentrate on what the other person is saying, then try to convey back what you believe they are trying to say. Also, be aware of your body language. Develop eye contact, have a pleasant facial expression, watch your tone of voice, be present and engaged.
7. Empower your partner. Don’t try to solve all of their problems or tell them what they should do, instead be supportive and encouraging to help them manage their challenges.
8. Nurture the relationship. In a dynamic relationship, you have to continually address change. Continue to invest time to dialogue about your partnership, your needs, your dreams.  Schedule dedicated couple time.
9. Communicate your needs in a positive and constructive way. Your partner cannot read your mind. Ask for what you need in a timely, specific and non-demanding way.

Viewpoint makes all the difference. During a really difficult time professionally, when solutions to one of those big, thorny issues seemed beyond my reach, a trusted mentor reminded me that it was not personal, not pervasive, and not permanent.  He saw just how stuck I was and how much I was taking it personally.  Reframing the situation and challenging some of my reasoning about it, shifted my view. The shift meant that it didn’t get to me – it wasn’t a personal thing and it was solvable – which helped me to re-establish my perseverance.

My mentor was reminding me of the work of Dr. Martin Seligman, in Learned Optimism.  After extensive research, Dr. Seligman concludes that optimists and pessimists attribute the reasons for success and failure differently. Pessimists tend to attribute failure and bad events to permanent, personal, and pervasive factors. Optimists tend to attribute bad events to non-personal, non-permanent, and non-pervasive factors. “Permanent” are factors that will be with you throughout life; “personal” are factors that relate to us as individuals; and “pervasive” are factors that affect our efficacy in other parts of our life.

Some people are more optimistic by nature, but optimism is not a fixed attribute. The really good news is that we can all develop skills to improve optimism. Learned Optimism includes a test to determine our own style and strategies for growing a more optimistic and hopeful attitude .  A lot has to do with handling setbacks, of learning how to dispute our initial reaction to a setback. When we encounter adversity, we often dwell on it, which then can become deeply ingrained as our belief. When we challenge those negative beliefs, we can find our energy again. Dr. Seligman  writes:  “Finding temporary and specific causes for misfortune is the art of hope.”

There are many benefits to completing your tax returns:

1. For the Employee:  To verify that your employer has deducted CPP, EI Benefits and Income Tax properly and to qualify for the Working Income Tax Benefit.
2. For Parents:  To qualify for benefits for your children.  First of all there is the Canadian Child Tax Credit Benefit and, if you have a child under 6, the Universal Child Care Benefit.  This is based on your income.  In addition, there are new tax credits for children’s participation in organizational arts and sports activities.
3. For Students: To qualify for HST/GST credits.  These payments are based on your previous year’s income.  Students can claim a textbook tax credit and tuition fees.  Even if you do not qualify this year for some of these credits, you may be able to carry them forward for future years or use them to build RRSP contribution room. 
4. For seniors:  To qualify for the Guaranteed Income Supplement. If your income is limited, you could qualify for a top up.
5. For Everyone:  To qualify for the Ontario Trillium Benefit.  Ontario is combining the provincial sales tax, energy and property tax credits.  This payment will be made to you effective July 2012 based on your income.  In addition, to qualify for credits on your medical expenses, donations, etc., you need to do taxes. 
6. It is the law… and if you don’t file, CRA will charge interest and penalties.  Even if you currently can’t pay what is owed, you need to complete your tax return.

Check out CRA’s website for detailed information on the above: 

www.cra-arc.gc.ca

It’s a busy life. You’re working hard at building your career, balancing your family obligations, staying in shape, pursuing hobbies and finding time to walk the dog.  Is it really worth trying to find an extra few hours each week to volunteer for an organization in your community? Yes! There are many benefits to volunteering, not the least of which is that those volunteer hours can contribute to job satisfaction and can open new horizons in your career.

According to The 2007 Canada Survey of Giving, Volunteering, and Participating, 47% of Ontarians over the age of 15 volunteer on average 164 hours per year. In the past, volunteering was seen to be a pastime for people who were retired or had lots of time on their hands.  This is no longer the case.  Not-for-profit organizations recognize that today’s volunteers are busy people who are looking for volunteer opportunities which not only allow them to make a contribution to their community, but also provide them with personal growth and make good use of their time and talents. 

Browsing through volunteer postings listed with a local volunteer bureau will provide you with a range of possibilities. You will find opportunities in areas from education and research to sports and recreation.  You can organize or supervise events, fundraise, teach, educate, mentor or sit on committees or boards. Employers are increasingly recognizing the value of encouraging employees to volunteer in the community.  Volunteering has many benefits which are reflected in the workplace in the form of increased interpersonal, communication and organizational skills.

Volunteering can contribute to your career development in many ways:

1. Grow Your Network.  Many volunteer opportunities provide the chance to build relationships with people from a wide range of fields and professions.  Make new connections and increase your contact base!
2. Learn New Skills and Explore New Possibilities.   Want to try something new or wondering if a particular career direction is right for you?  Volunteering gives you a chance to test new waters or gain skills in areas which aren’t part of your regular workday. 
3. Use Your Skills in New Ways.  Expand your reach, stretch yourself.  Maybe you can put together a great presentation at work, but you’d really like to try your hand at writing a newsletter….
4. Get to know your community.  Especially if you’re new to the area, but even if you’ve lived here all your life, volunteering can give you new insight into neighbourhoods, demographics and the heartbeat of your community.
5. Refresh, renew, recharge your passion.  Spending a little time each week pursuing a passion, making a difference and creating positive change can go a long way towards refueling your energy and enthusiasm for your job.  Come back to your desk feeling revitalized, optimistic and ready to face the challenges of your workday. 
6. Build your resume.   Does your resume reflect a person who lives a balanced life, takes an interest in the world beyond their job and is always looking for ways to grow?  A good volunteer history adds depth and breadth to your resume and demonstrates that you are an employee who comes with value added!

The Workplace & Domestic Violence Conference on May 2nd  is designed to help leaders in all workplaces to build the capacity to address domestic violence as it enters the workplace and the confidence when dealing with situations that involve violence risk. Since the 2010 introduction of Bill 168, most organizations have taken steps to respond to more rigorous H&S requirements on workplace violence. Yet, most leaders continue to tell us that they do not feel well-prepared.

Mosaic is delighted to have 2 leaders in the field joining us on May 2nd – Dr. Peter Jaffe and Dr. Stephen Hart. Peter is internationally respected for this work on violence against women and children and has been instrumental in contributing to the changes to bring more safety to communities and workplaces. Stephen is one of the founding directors of Proactive Resolutions and a foremost expert on threat assessment.

This session is about building organizational capacity to deal with these difficult and complex threats.  Regulators are not expecting organizations to become experts, particularly in the field of domestic violence, but they are urging organizations and the community to work together. Our focus is on creating resilient organizations where everyone in the workplace system works together to strengthen and reinforce one another. It’s about creating successful organizations and healthy communities. Peter and Stephen will share extensive experience and promising practices collected from community experience and research, including the coroner’s Domestic Violence Death Review Committee.

Join the conversation – register here.

MOSAIC STAFF SHARE THEIR THOUGHTS ABOUT SOCIAL WORK

“Social work means helping others partake in the creation of their lives.”

“As a social worker, social work means that I should be trying to put myself out of a job.”

“It’s about:

S ensitivity
O peness
C ompassion
I nsight
A ttunement
L earning     
 
W elcoming
O ptimism
R eflection
K indness”

“For me, social work means a network of people working together not only with each other but with their clients and community to make positive changes.”

“I feel as though the field is moving in a positive direction especially in terms of the movement towards prevention and early intervention programs. In other areas there is still work to be done, for example, Aboriginal social work practices.”

 “I think that in the future, as North America reinvents itself, social workers are going to need to advocate very strongly to do their jobs.  Terms such as nationalism, xenophobia, austerity, welfare chauvinism, protest and widespread discontent will become much more prominent in conversations about Canadian domestic affairs.  I strongly believe that all fields of social work need to begin preparing for a future where funding for social programs, not-for-profit organizations and health care is scarce.”

“Social work really needs to become much more coherent and holistic in its approach towards addressing needs, facilitating healing and promoting social justice. We need to understand what wellness and justice looks like at individual, family, community and at national and international levels. The question to ponder is: what does social justice really look like at all levels?”

Social workers are commited to creating a just society and are dedicated to strengthening individuals and communities and helping them to reach their potential. Social work is a  noble profession that merits celebration.