If You’re Celebrating a Love Relationship, You Don’t Have to Break the Bank on Valentine’s Day

Posted on January 27, 2012 by Heather Cudmore
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So, go ahead, call me the Valentine’s Day Scrooge. Valentine’s Day may be identified as the celebratory day of love, but let’s do the math…and then let’s talk.

Have you ever wondered why flowers cost so much more on February 14th than any other day of the year?  In January, a dozen roses start at about $45.  A month later the prices have risen by about $15 – $20. That is about a 25% increase.  And then there are delivery costs of approximately $20.  Buying roses in February can cost anywhere from $80 to $100 – pretty steep for flowers. 

Now, let’s consider the expense of dining out on February 14th. Many restaurants have much more costly menus to celebrate this occasion. On the local radio station, they said that 40% of couples go out for Valentine’s Day and on average, they spend $150, where their average restaurant bill any other day is $40.

So considering the return on investment, is buying flowers or taking your partner to dinner on Valentine’s Day the only way to show your love and celebrate your relationship? What are some alternatives? I have a friend who celebrates Valentine’s Day on February 15th. He’s not cheap; he is smart. What difference does one day make?… about $50 or more in your pocket. Also, consider some creative alternatives. How about cooking dinner or baking cookies for your partner? Showing your love does not have to be costly and does not have to be limited to one day… in fact, it’s better to spread those affectionate moments throughout the year.

I’m not anti-love, just anti-Valentine’s Day especially when it comes to blowing the bank. Just remember, the good news is you have financial choices on how you wish to express your love on Valentine’s Day and all year long.

Bah humbug, Valentine’s Day!

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Five Tips to Avoid Unhealthy Conflict and Improve Work Relationships

Posted on January 26, 2012 by Kathie Must
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February is the month to celebrate relationships!  Relationships sustain us and inspire us. So much of what we accomplish is done through relationships. Some of our relationships we choose and some are thrust upon us.

Like at work! Work relationships are important and valuable, however, they are also often complicated and imposed. Just the nature of the work environment adds complexity. There is much diversity — personal differences (age, gender, culture, personality) and professional differences (methodology, opinions, skills sets, approaches). With the pace of change in today’s workplaces, jobs and priorities evolve which can lead to further conflicting views and competition for resources. Mergers and acquisitions create new teams needing to quickly and effectively work together. And then, on top of all that, our individual capacity for give-and-take may be eroded from the sheer pace of change, the sense of urgency to get things done and rampant job insecurity. Layer on all the complexities from our personal lives, and work can be a hot bed of unhealthy conflict.

The sad reality for many workplaces is that many get stuck in unhealthy conflict that can snowball, leading to a poisoned work environment and even workplace violence. It can be a Health and Safety concern, and both employers and employees have responsibilities to keep workplaces safe and free from violence, and to create a healthy environment that fuels creativity, new ideas and deeper understanding.

To stop that downward spiral of unhealthy conflict and to create a healthy work environment that promotes inspiration, compassion and effective teamwork:

  1. Keep in mind all of the environmental factors above that contribute to workplace conflict. Recognizing the many influences that create workplace disparities helps us to be more understanding of different opinions and contrasting approaches. We are often quick to personalize and interpret all sorts of meaning which may be completely off base. Withhold judgement and adopt a problem-solving attitude.
  2. Don’t ignore conflict. Conflict seldom resolves itself. Ask for help. Your organization may have supports and a reporting process.
  3. Be alert and watchful of your own style and approach. So often, as a conflict is debriefed, individuals are initially surprised at the impact they have had, but after reflection, they develop an understanding. Be pro-active and recognize the influence you have.
  4. Hone your own conflict management skills. This skill set will serve you wherever you go and will enhance both your effectiveness and your enjoyment of the work you do.
  5. Remember that you are not an island. While it might be less problematic if you could pursue your own ideas and set your own priorities, to accomplish organizational goals, we need to work together and consider the ideas and priorities of the team.
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How to Avoid the 3 Common Relationship Deal Breakers

Posted on January 23, 2012 by Cecil Kuwabara
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In this day and age, we are aware that many of our intimate relationships are struggling and are in jeopardy. Therefore, the age old saying, “An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure,” is equally relevant today as it was when the saying was originally coined.
According to Stats Canada, approximately 38 % of marriages in Canada end in divorce (over a thirty year period). What preventative measure can young couples apply to their relationships that will ensure their stability and longevity?

There are three common relationship deal breakers – Compromise, Competition and Complaints which all contribute to conflict in relationships. Unto themselves, these interactions all sound relatively positive. Let’s examine them more carefully in the context of intimate relationships.

  1. Compromise is essentially when two people settle for less than what they really want. For example, a couple decides that they would like to go out to a movie. The wife would really like to see a particular movie but learns that her husband has no interest in watching it. He suggests a movie which his wife has no interest in watching. In the name of compromise, they end up attending a third choice which neither really wants to view. Instead of compromising, the couple could use a more effective approach called negotiating which produces a win/win situation. The couple decides to attend the movie which the woman wants to see one week, and the following week, they go to the movie the husband wants to see.
  2. Competition is very much a part of our every day, capitalistic society. We all need to know how to compete in order to function in our society. People on a daily basis are competing for jobs, opportunities, recognition, etc.  However, competition within our intimate relationships can potentially wreak havoc between couples since the more competitive we are, the more self-centred we become. Competition emphasizes our goals and enhances our skills often to the detriment of our significant relationships. The opposite of competition is compassion. Compassion is the skill or ability to accurately experience the thoughts and feeling of another plus the desire to do whatever is necessary to help another in their time of distress. Many relationships would greatly benefit if there was simply more compassion between spouses.
  3. Complaints definitely lead to the deterioration of a relationship. The complaints may be true, but one must ask, “Are the complaints kind and necessary?” Listening to problems demoralizes us; where, talking about and applying solutions energizes us.

So what are those ounces of prevention we can apply to our relationships to ensure they remain stable and satisfying? 

  1. Learn to negotiate.
  2. Be compassionate and listen to the thoughts and feelings of your loved ones.
  3. Rather than complain, become a problem-solver.
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Resolution #1: Financial Fitness!

Posted on December 28, 2011 by Heather Cudmore
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January…. oh…. the time for New Year’s resolutions, the time to throw out the old and start with the new, the time to really look at our unhealthy habits. Most people will try to exercise more (those gyms are really busy in January), or even eat healthier. Working in the credit counselling field, I suggest that you resolve to consider improving your financial knowledge. Maybe it is reviewing your money and spending habits or maybe it is examining ways to reduce your debt.

Almost every day, we hear reports that the average Canadian has more debt. More and more people are living paycheque to paycheque. What can you do to improve your financial situation? The first thing to do is to stop avoiding the numbers and actually look at your finances. What is your income? What are your fixed monthly expenses? What are your variable expenses? Variable expenses are things like food, gas, clothes or entertainment – you spend some money on it, but not the same every month.

Once you have a picture of that, you may find out that you are spending more than you make. That means back to the drawing board to reassess all your bills. You probably cannot reduce your fixed expenses a whole lot. You cannot lower your mortgage or your car payment. But, can you reduce your internet, phone, cable? How about bundling all the services together and receiving a discount? Can you reduce your gas costs? Could you car pool with someone and cut those gas expenses in half? How about cooking from scratch instead of ordering-in? Are you willing to give up your morning coffee run? This is where you can be creative because every cent that you reduce here can be allocated somewhere else. At the end of this exercise, you will have money left over. Put some of it away for an emergency fund and then tackle your debt.

Your credit cards, store cards, personal lines of credit all have to be assessed. What are the balances? What are the interest rates?

There are really two theories to managing debt. Both start out by giving the minimum payment to each creditor. If you do not pay the minimum payment, it will affect your credit rating. After the minimum payment is made, theory one suggests taking the smallest debt and putting all your extra money towards that debt. If you need to see success to keep motivated, this method is for you. Hopefully after a couple of months, you have dispensed with one debt and you can start working on the next smallest debt.

For theory two, you look at the interest rate of each debt and your extra money goes to the debt with the highest interest rate. Using this method, you are getting the full value out of your payment, but that debt may take 8 months to pay off. Anytime you are paying more than the minimum payment to your debt, you are on the right track.

If you are able to work on the above, you are improving your finances (Resolution #1). You also will be learning about your unproductive money management habits, and in doing so, can generate change. And, ultimately you are going to reduce your debt.

Have a happy, financially fit New Year!

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Be SMART About New Year’s Resolutions

Posted on December 22, 2011 by Kathie Must
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There is something about a new year that compels us to set resolutions to make big improvements in our lives! But, many New Year’s resolutions are broken before January is even over, and we feel worse than had we not set a resolution.  The “just do it” approach may serve to sell Nike, but it doesn’t set the scene for sustainable personal change.

In our work life, however, we make plans, set goals and manage to get things done. This year I plan to apply some of the principles of business planning to personal changes.  Business planning involves big goals that are broken down into smaller achievable steps often using the SMART system, with goals that are specific, measurable, achievable, realistic and timely.

A specific goal has a much greater chance of being accomplished than a general goal. A more specific goal than just “get in shape” might be “exercise regularly.” A good goal is also measurable. When you measure your progress, you stay on track. It’s about “how much” — “exercise three times a week.”

It must be achievable with reasonable steps and a time frame. If you set a goal that fits into your schedule – “exercise at lunch three days a week” – it’s more likely to be successful.  It must also be realistic: something  that you are both willing and able to manage. Interestingly, sometimes a difficult goal is easier to reach than an easy one because there is greater motivation.  Building strength — moving from 3 lb weights to 5 lb weights — is hard but possible, and doing it with work friends, with mutual support and encouragement, makes it even more attainable.

Finally, it must be timely to give it some urgency. I want to lose 10 inches by June 1st – 2 inches each month.

And, I’ll try similar approaches to monitoring. If I am on track, I’ll reward myself. A mani/pedi will do it for me! If I find I’m not on track, rather than just “trying harder,” I will try to shift strategies a bit.

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Say “No” to “Wind Chill” Factor

Posted on December 20, 2011 by Jennifer Berry
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A number of years ago, I heard a commentator speaking about the wind chill factor and questioning why, as Canadians, we always like to make it sound colder than it really is. “It’s zero degrees, but with the wind chill factor, it feels like –10 degrees.” He proposed that we get rid of the wind chill factor and instead, adopt these three factors.

#1  The Sunshine Factor
It’s -10 degrees, but if you are standing directly in the suns rays, it feels like 0 degrees.

#2 The Shelter Factor
It’s -10 degrees, but if you are in an area sheltered from the wind, it feels like 0 degrees.

#3 The Activity Factor
It’s -10 degree, but if you are doing an activity out-of-doors, it feels like 0 degrees.

Rather than just dream about the prospect of warmer weather, let’s defeat old man winter by finding ways to enjoy winter instead of just tolerating it until springtime. A good way to start doing this is to strike the term “wind chill factor” from your vocabulary and opt for the sunshine, shelter and activity factors instead.

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Are you feeling stressed out about the holiday season?

Posted on November 29, 2011 by Jennifer Berry
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During the holidays, we often set impossible standards and place unrealistic demands on ourselves in an attempt to provide and enjoy the perfect season. Rather than enjoy, however, we feel stress about the shopping, the spending, holiday events, and pleasing others. Here are some tips to help you de-stress and find the joy in the holiday season:

Prioritize. Decide what is really important. Before the holidays, ask yourself, what are my priorities for Christmas, what do I want to happen for me and what do I want to happen for my family. Decide what really needs to be done and what is just superficial.

Get your sleep. Any disruption in sleep patterns affects our well-being, temperament and ability to deal with daily challenges. Pay attention to your body and go to bed when you are tired. If you are struggling with getting to sleep, incorporate some of these rituals:

  • Make a priority list in the early evening for the next day so that you don’t have to create the list in your mind during the middle of the night.
  • Plan a quiet experience at the end of each day with low lights.
  • Turn off the TV one hour earlier than normal.
  • Have a hot bath prior to bed.
  • Listen to soothing music.
  • Read – if only a page.
  • Try relaxation tapes, deep-breathing exercises and visualization.

Watch what you eat and drink. Limit sweets and late night eating. Avoid eating large quantities or rich foods after 8:00 p.m. Limit alcohol consumption. After a glass of wine, switch to water. Stay hydrated.

Exercise. Don’t let go of your healthy lifestyle because it’s the holidays. Make sure you get outside for some exercise and fresh air. Try incorporating exercise into your holiday events. Go for a walk to see the lights in Waterloo or Victoria Park.

Learn to say “no” or “yes” to less. For example, you can say, “Yes, I’ll do Christmas, but we’ll do potluck” or “Yes, I’ll have people in, but we’ll have dessert and coffee, not dinner.”

Set a budget.  Set financial priorities. Consider drawing names to take the pressure off both your pocketbook and the amount of time you need to dedicate to shopping and wrapping.

Think small. Everything does not have to be big and lavish. Time together is more important than what you do or give. A simple evening with a friend or family decorating the tree, listening to carols, drinking apple cider and watching a holiday movie can bring great joy and meaning to the season.

Don’t over-schedule. Make sure you still have down-time to curl up with a cup of tea and a good book.

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Keeping “Cheer” in the Workplace

Posted on November 28, 2011 by Kathie Must
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The approaching holiday season can be pleasant and joyful – but it can also be a source of extreme stress and anxiety. Issues such as debt, loss, family relations and balancing work and home life often manifest themselves at festive times. Personal stress often spills over and has a major workplace impact.  As a business leader or co-worker, how do you manage holiday cheer in the workplace?

  1. Acknowledge the added stresses that everyone faces. Encourage good self-care. Be sensitive to personal situations. Encourage employees to seek support from family and friends or seek professional help if needed. If you have an Employee Assistance Program, use it. Or, call us at Mosaic if you need advice.
  2. The one thing we ALL have in common is that we have a holiday. With increasing diversity in workplaces, employees celebrate a wide range of special days. However we choose to celebrate the season, the holiday gives each of us an opportunity to spend time with family, neighbours and community.  “Wishing  you a happy holiday” is something we can all share.
  3. Celebrate the friendships and support in the workplace. This year may not be the year for the major office party with many organizations scaling back. A meaningful celebration does not need to be elaborate. What really matters is the chance to convey good wishes and to come together as a workplace team.

For many organizations, particularly those in the retail and hospitality sectors, it’s the busiest and most demanding time of year! With the deadline to buy gifts plus all the personal stresses of the season, customers can get more aggressive and take that stress out on staff. Here are additional tips to get through the holiday marathon:

  1. Encourage extra attention on good self-care. Being well-rested strengthens the resilience to deal with any difficult situation and is the best way to beat stress.  Be comfortable – comfortable shoes and clothing — stay hydrated and eat healthy.
  2. Maintain break schedules during the rush. Just ten minutes away from the bustle of the customer can revive and replenish energy.  And, plan a party to celebrate after the hectic period is over. The anticipation can be almost as pleasant as the event itself.
  3. Remember to take a deep breath when faced with a difficult customer. Don’t take it personally — it’s not about you. Pull out your “difficult person” kitbag — remain calm and relaxed, don’t argue or become defensive, show respect and empathy for the problem, listen carefully, acknowledge feelings, and focus on finding a solution. Language such as “I understand why you are so frustrated… I will find out….here’s what we can do… the best option is….” works to diffuse anger. But, to be able to do this, we need to first take care of ourselves!
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16 Shopping Habits to Adopt this Holiday Season

Posted on November 23, 2011 by Heather Cudmore
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The excitement of the holiday season is upon us, however, so is the worry of what that means for our pocket books. There are ways to have an enjoyable yuletide without breaking the bank.

  1. Make a list and check it twice. Include whom you want to buy for and how much you want to spend on each person and stick to it. Also don’t forget to include the costs of entertaining, decorations, cards and wrapping in your holiday budget.
  2. Consider drawing names. Most people are relieved when this suggestion is raised.
  3. Opt for more personal gifts, like your time or baking. Many people truly appreciate a gift of homemade cookies, a casserole or baby-sitting.
  4. Consider gift certificates – particularly for teenagers for whom it can be difficult to buy. This helps you stick to your dollar limit.
  5. Get crafty. Create your own decorations and get the kids involved. It’s a lot less expensive and a lot more fun.
  6. Try alternative wrapping. Use leftover fabrics, comic-strip paper, your kids’ artwork or have fun making your own with sponges and paint.
  7. Remember that your children will not remember what you bought them each year, but will remember what you did together. Better to spend time tobogganing, skating, touring the festive lights, then to spend money on things that will soon be forgotten.
  8. Don’t fall into the trap of competing with the neighbours. Do what is right for your family.
  9. Shop early. If you shop too close to Christmas, you’re more likely to impulse shop rather than sticking to your list. Impulse shopping often leads to spending more dollars.
  10. Don’t shop when you’re tired or hungry. This leads to impulse shopping and spending more just to go home and get off your feet.
  11. Establish a holiday fund. Save monthly or spread your shopping throughout the year. This way you don’t have the financial shock all at once.
  12. If your finances are in control, purchase a Canada Savings Bond through your employer and use this money for your holiday shopping.
  13. Avoid using credit cards. Cash is best and helps you stick to your limits. Debit cards are okay too as long as you remember to record your withdrawals so you’re not surprised by the balance on your next visit to the bank.
  14. Remember an item is not truly on sale if you cannot pay the bill when it arrives. You most likely will end up paying more in interest payments than you saved.
  15. Watch out for the ‘Don’t pay until the new year’ promotions. If you don’t have the money when you’ve hit that date, the interest charges can be exorbitant. Rather, save for something a year in advance and then purchase it when you do have the money.
  16. Avoid using shopping as entertainment on Boxing Day. Instead read a book, go tobogganing, or play a game with your family. Shopping can be costly entertainment.
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The Powerfully Moving Poppy of Remembrance Day

Posted on November 9, 2011 by Jennifer Berry
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In The Record last week, there was a photograph from the Cannes Summit in France of U.S. President Barack Obama looking at Prime Minister Harper’s poppy that was pinned to the lapel of his jacket. This photo reminded me that the symbol of the poppy is unique to the Commonwealth countries and what a soul-stirring emblem it is. Further, I thought about the origins of the red Remembrance Day poppy and how it came from the poem “In Flanders Fields” written by Lieutenant Colonel  John McCrae. Although, I have read it many times, I was motivated to look up the poem and read it again. Perhaps it was the photo and the pride I felt as a Canadian living in a country that visibly displays their gratitude and recognizes the sacrifices of so many by wearing a simple poppy; perhaps it was that I have a 20 year old son and can’t imagine the grief and agony of those who have lost a child to war; perhaps it’s getting older and the greater awareness of people and nations struggling to find peace and reconciliation… whatever the reason, I found it to be all the more expressive and moving.

In Flanders Fields

In Flanders fields the poppies blow
Between the crosses, row on row,
That mark our place; and in the sky
The larks, still bravely singing, fly
Scarce heard amid the guns below.

We are the Dead. Short days ago
We lived, felt dawn, saw sunset glow,
Loved and were loved, and now we lie,
In Flanders fields.

Take up our quarrel with the foe:
To you from failing hands we throw
The torch; be yours to hold it high.
If ye break faith with us who die,
We shall not sleep, though poppies grow
         In Flanders fields.

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